NO, I'M NOT EXCITED

Tomorrow night will be the All-University Acquaintance Party with the Spongecola! Yea, I am a big fan of that band. I love cool bands with intelligent and well-educated members like Yael Yuzon who speaks so well and smart.

But I'm not gonna be attending the said party. Why? You see, Yael is my ex-boyfriend and seeing him again tomorrow night will bring back the "he-broke-my-heart-into-pieces fuss". It still hurts until now, you know.

Bumabagyo na ba? haha! Chengga! Pupunta ako sa party noh! Ako pa! hahaha!

Sana umulan kagaya last year. Parang Rain Party talaga yun. :))

CRAZY SEMESTER, CRAZY LIFE, CRAZY ME

"IT'S GONNA BE A CRAZY SEMESTER."

I thought of that before the first semester started, when I first saw my schedule. I was like, "Wow, five fuckin' major subjects." Supposedly, juniors must only have a maximum of four major subjects for the first sem. But I got five since I only have 2 arts subjects left. I got Entrep43E that's for fourth year students. Wew.

Then the first week started. I found having a lot of major subjects confusing at first-- Entrep31, Entrep33, Entrep37, Entrep35 and Entrep43E-- 33, 37 and 43E have the same teachers which makes it more confusing and challenging.

June 10, 2010, Thursday. Young Entrepreneurs Society of Silliman (YESS) First General Assembly.
The day that changed me and perhaps my usual college life. I was elected as the President. A landslide voting. I felt like a big piece of shit bumped on my head. I hate being an officer in college. Back in high school, I have always been a part of the so called "School Politics" and before I stepped on the college journey, I promised myself not to be involved ever again in that tiring stuff. But with the landslide voting, I couldn't decline.

Saturdays and Sundays are training days. Enrolled for training at Dumaguete Academy for Culinary Arts (DACA) for our Entrep37 (Business Plan 1). 16 sessions must be completed before the test market on August. That means, I have no day-off. Seven days a week of work. It's a bomb, I know. And case studies and Business research papers are still pending.

I have never been labelled as a BUSY PERSON in college. I never even felt being so busy. I used to feel that busy-ness only during finals week. But now, it's still the first month of the sem and I feel like everyday's way more of a finals week.

This isn't me. This sem's not gonna end with the label "Crazy Semester" but perhaps I'll be the one who will be labelled as CRAZY. Mind's always full of stuff. School and org stuff to be exact. I miss having a weekend, go out and watch a movie, play at WOF, food tripping, and most of all, I miss lying on my bed, listening to music with an EMPTY and peaceful mind.

Oh, by the way.. Did I mention I am the Dorm's treasurer and a big sister of seven freshmen?

Yes, my life now is more of a bullshit.

it's the rule

"three-month rule" -- a term that's tattooed on my mind since i heard it from Macky Pinero [one of my closest guy friends in college]. No boyfriend for three months after a break-up. WTH?! oh well.. i'm still following it now, though. I still don't have a 'serious' bf now. Only some flings. LOL.

Am i already fully recovered from such pain that wako gave me? I THINK SO. Well, honestly, yea,,, when i wont see him or hear his name from people. haha! Yea, he already has a new one and it may look like quite unfair on my 'three-month rule dictum'. but, who cares? at least i was the good one, not the cru'ela dev'il phase. LOL. here i am again... typing far out stuff. haha! but seriously, it's a good thing, right?-- i mean the 'staying single by three months' thing. diba? diba? diba? though currently, my feelings are so mixed up.

*A: I'm missing a guy. A guy who is just wako's barkada. Well honestly, i really regret dumping him because i chose wako and thought that wako's more worth it. stupid me! haha!

*B: I'm hating a guy who hurt me last summer, then i gave him a second chance before the end of the semester to play with. HAHA! poor guy.. he really didnt have any idea how i set things to call a 'revenge' at the end. LOL.

*C: And lastly, Im currently liking someone right now. We just became friends, uhm, more or less like 3 weeks ago. But i already know his name and face since birth. LOL. JOKE. bitaw, since first year college. hehe! he's cool. super. and incredibly nice! and he finds me cool din daw! wooot! pero saon man ni, nanambok man ko? will you still find me cool despite of this? 'sigh' oh well, you cant have me if you cant accept me! HAHAHA! :P

okay okay.. back to the thing... i'm over wako. that's a sure thing. swear. i just dont like the part that he seemed like he's mad at me or he hates me or something..


*to A, sorry for what i did. We could start all over again if you want. LMAO!! hahaha

*to B, im not expecting anything from you from Vegas! Expect nothing from me na! okems? hehe

*to C, geeezz,, speechless ko.. haha!

*to wako:: oh, for God's sake, GROW UP! haha

Type My Mind

...you got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'. . .

yea, soOo CLUMSY of me... cause I fell in love with a wrong guy.

WoOot! Okay, here's the thing. . .

Three months ago, we got acquainted. He's my friend's older brother. We have the same trippings at that time-- shots, joy rides, to name a few. We got really close, hearts bumped, and boom!. . . we fell in love. wooott! But that's not what this post is all about! duhh! i would never want to post something cheezy as our so called "love story" is.. yuck! [well honestly, i don't disgust him or what we had that much.] It's just, perhaps, the normal feeling or reaction to a girl who just got hurt and don't have any idea how long it will take her to be fully recovered from such pain from an A-hole bitch boy! LOL. ughh! I can't stop my fingers from typing what's on my mind right now! it's like my mood is totally set on blogging what's been boggling on my mind for weeks now! how i hate him for ditching my trust! for fooling around and make things easier for him, breaking up through text, deleting me on his facebook friends list, hating every message that i send to him. . . FUCK YOU FOR THAT!!!

ughh... then just this morning, i found out that you already have your KACY! damn! this is never happening!! i should be the first one who could find your replacement! I do have choices, though.. all i really have to do is to choose! but it seems like, i can't. It's not that i cant find someone who's better or more appropriate.. no.. It's that..i just dont want to replace you. SHIT. i friggin' hate myself for that!

now you know how fool i am with you [as if you'd care to read this] LOL.
at least at this very moment, I'm slowly..SLOWLY accepting everything. Thanks to Cezar who was always been there [though busy with poker sometimes. hehe]. But he's been trying to get 'that fuckin guy' out of my mind.

now what?? hmmm.. what could be a good ending with this post? fuck, i'm really typing what's on my mind.. SERIOUSLY. LITTERALLY. what the hell! woooott! maybe i should stop now. haiztt.. maybe this is because im missing a lot of people.. damak, aareen, maiza, cezar, and believe this or not, i'm actually missing the 'fuckin guy'! damn! shooot! ughh!

that's it. im gonna stop now. boo!


originally written last Oct. 23, 2009

Giving up?

i'm tired. And the moment i hit my lappy's typeset, i admit, there's a droplet of tear went down from my eye. I HATE THIS DAY. that's a sure thing. and i guess i'm gonna hate the next days to come, even the day of the celebration. i'm sad. DISAPPOINTED. he's not coming. it won't be 18 without him. im problematic. it wont be complete, and i can't do anything about it.

it's not that i want him to choose ME over his MOM. i'm not even forcing him to do so, nor forcing him to attend on the debut thing. aside from the FACT that the 18 roses are already settled and finalized [including him] and it would be SOOO difficult to change it this time, my other reason is that... it's my 18th. every girl knows that's something special. and i really wanted it to be very special, with the most special people of my life. obviously, he's one of them.

i have been keeping my fingers crossed that he'll be the tallest among the roses so that he'll be my last dance [since the order is by height! but my dad would definitely be my first. LOL]. I have been picturing things out on how fun it would be to have his actual presence in like 48+ hours [straight], how cool it would be to have him meet my high school friends, couldn't wait for the truth-or-dare genre at night [at my place] before going to sleep, ughh!!! yea, maybe i was just way too excited about it and here i am now, feeling so stupid and hating every hour that has passed ever since he told me the im-choosing-between-you-and-my-mom-here thing, and realized that it would be extremely IMPOSSIBLE for him to choose me [who is not even his girlfriend] over his own mom.

i really don't have any idea on what to do. i'm missing him so badly. i've been yearning for his tangible presence since i left dumaguete. but i don't want [not even a tweak] to decide for him. i wish i could just snap my fingers, heal his mom, and make him decide to be in bohol as early as possible. ahpff. but i can't. perhaps, all i can do is to WAIT, or maybe i can just stop hoping, and GIVE-UP.

may 26, 09 | 3:06 AM

congratz! you just got yourself a new girlfriend! don't be jealous! mahal na rin kita!!

nyahaha! caught your attention? haha! the title wasnt really meant for you or anyone. it was just what was in my mind when he fessed up moments ago that he's jealous! i wanna play pranks with what he said. i wanted that line to be my reply! lol. but then i thought, it might spoil the moment. [moment?? yea! naa pud mi moments ui! haha!] he said it to me SERIOUSLY [with downright eye contact jud! haha]. but when i heard his "Nagseselos ako!" line, honestly, i wanna burst out laughing! tagalog man gud! t'was new. corny! [nosebleed] and i really didnt expect that that was his reason why he's not okay. lol. but at the corner of my mind, there was a thought saying, "awww..that's sweet." then i pinched his cheeks, smiled, and justified. moments after, i went back to the dorm and received a message from him saying, "mahal kasi kita kaya ganun." puta! ni-bukad akong atay brad! ROFL.

ughh! he's been filling up the missing pieces of my life jud! no jam! i mean, the stuff that i'v been longing to feel or hear from my fuckin' ex but i never did, i heard and felt it from MR. LEVEL TWO [what's with the name? ask his dormmates!hahaha]. and he's not even my boyfriend! diba? diba? diba? LOL. And everytime he's not around, i'm "craving" for his presence! why? 'coz IM ONLY ME WHEN IM WITH HIM. fine, it's a song! but i mean it, dude. i'm not afraid to reveal who i really am. i really dont know what's with him that im confident to show off my flaws. just like what the song conveys, "I don't try to hide my tears, the secrets or my deepest fears. Through it all nobody gets me like you do... im only me when im with you."

what is really with you??!! yer not that eye-catching hearthrob! neither a limb in the prodigy realm! you're (somehow) striking, though [in one way or another. hehe!]. and, ehem!..TDH-- tall, dark, and.... a hip Tribal user. hahaha! ay ambut! basta! that's it! i wont add more 'coz you might read this, and mu-bukad imong ilong!

nyahahaha!! yaddahh..yaddaahh..yaddaaahhh..!

[originally written last May 14, 09] :)

mister A

"you mean a lot to me."

that's not a boyfriend-only line. i'm screeching those words not fora boyfriend, but for a crush. an ultimate one, i suppose. it's for the cute, smarty guy [but not mr. smarty pants] with the grey and black backpack back in fourth year high school.

he has this math and physics brilliance without the clever clogs. a mysterious, sober gent with a hidden sense of humor. he does have looks [in my eyes], yet stays down-to-earth and no-nonsense.

we had the sweetest friendship juice that turned out to be "magka-M.U". haha! but things changed when we had a conflict [i'd prefer to keep the roots of it]. for quite a few months, t'was like there had been a wall built between us. good thing thewall wasnt that sturdy and collided. distance brought our friendship back. hewas flipping the beginning pages of his college life in our place while i wasin another locality, yet we never vanished our contact.

just a few days ago, we had a chance to convene. it has been a year that i wasntable to catch a glimpse of him. seeing him again made me evoke the closeness that we planted that almost grew to be something more of it. looking in his eyes,scenting his smell, and talking to him made me feel the thrill travelling through my veins.

i'm not sure and i still can't elucidate what this feeling really is. what im only sure of is that he's special, and im gonna say it again,

"you mean a lot to me, 'A'."